16
Certain things are
way more interesting to do than they are to watch. Especially when
the person I was watching do them was wearing my body.
Madeline had been
dead for three years. When it came to the physical world, she had a
lot of catching up to do.
And Dan? Well, the
good news is that he might love Madeline to the grave and beyond,
but he liked me. I mean, he really, really liked me. He showed it
in lots of different and interesting ways.
The bad news was
that now that Dan had gotten over his shyness, he had a lot of
catching up to do, too.
And me? I spent the
rest of the night in the bathroom, my fingers in my ears, so
freaking panicked, I couldn’t think straight.
The next morning
when Madeline and Dan came in to shower (together), I ducked back
into the room. Even with a change of scenery and the sounds of
running water drowning out (mostly) the moans and the groans coming
from in there, I didn’t feel any better.
I paced and worried.
I paced and cried. I paced and screamed every swear word I could
think of (and a few I made up on the spot), and I didn’t have to
care that I might be causing a commotion.
No one could hear
me.
Tears welled in my
eyes again, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. Heck, why
should I? No one could see me, either.
“So, how does it
feel?â€
OK, I wasn’t
exactly accurate about the no-one-could-see-me. Madeline could.
Done doing what she’d been doing, she was wrapped in a paper-thin
towel that scarcely covered her breasts (my breasts!). She sauntered into the room with a
smile on her face that was as bright as the song Dan was humming in
the shower. I think it was a Broadway show tune.
“Now you know how
I’ve felt these past years,†she said. “You’re
invisible.â€
“No shit,
Sherlock.†I raised my chin and looked into eyes that used to be
mine and a face that just yesterday had looked back at me from the
mirror. It was weird. “You’ve had your fun.†I didn’t need
to elaborate. She knew exactly what I was talking about, and to
prove it, she grinned and purred and stretched like a contented
cat. “Now give me back my body.â€
“My body.†The voice was mine, but the
attitude—and the sarcasm—was all Madeline. “Once a
narcissist, always a narcissist. I’ve got news for you, Pepper.
My body.†She poked her finger at her chest (my—well, there’s no use dwelling). “My
hair.†She tugged on it. “My clothes.†She looked down to
where they were tossed on the floor just as Dan switched to
something that sounded like opera. He didn’t have a bad
voice.
Madeline paused for
a moment to listen. “My Danny,†she said.
“And you think
I’m the narcissist?†Since I didn’t have to worry about my
image, I snorted to emphasize my point. So tacky, but it helped me
sound tough, and tough was exactly what I needed. Without the
tough, I’d be a basket case. “Get over it, girlfriend. You’re
dead. And when you died, the world didn’t stop spinning. Life
goes on. Without you.â€
“Without you.â€
Madeline giggled. Even coming out of my mouth, it was not a pretty
sound. “Don’t you get it? I arranged this whole thing just so I
could get your body.â€
“How—?â€
Apparently, my
question wasn’t even worth listening to. Not in Madeline’s
opinion, anyway. “Hilton was so obsessed with this whole ghost,
paranormal thing. He made me do hours and hours of research. It’s
amazing what you can learn in some of those dusty, old books of
his. Séances, shape-shifting, time travel, spirit possession of a
live body when the stars and the moon are aligned just right . . .
I never believed any of it, but hey, I’m a researcher, remember.
I figured it was worth a try. I was waiting for the right test
subject to come along. According to that book of Hilton’s, my
live subject—you—had to make love to the one
person—Danny—who was still in love with the person who passed
on—me. I set this whole thing up like an experiment. You fell for
it. And it worked.â€
I couldn’t believe
what I was hearing. I swallowed hard. “Then the people at the
hospital, the ones in Doctor Gerard’s study. They
aren’t—â€
“Missing? Sure
they are.†Madeline dismissed the information with a wave of one
hand. “The point is, who cares?â€
“You do. At least
you said you did.â€
“I told you Danny
was involved, too. I thought that was a nice touch. He’s got that
whole cute-as-a-button thing going for him. And the broken heart
shtick, too, of course. Most women can’t resist. I figured you
were no different. He has to get on with his life. He needs to find
a woman who will love him as much as I did.†When she spoke these
last two sentences, she pressed her hands to her heart. She sounded
like her old self. Except for the cackle of a laugh at the end.
“I’ve proved it again. I’m smarter than you. I came up with a
great way to sucker you in.â€
No way I could get
beyond the desperation that ate away at my composure, but still, I
couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief. “So Dan isn’t really
in trouble?â€
Madeline shrugged.
“Does it matter?â€
“Shouldn’t
it?â€
Another shrug. The
towel that was all she was wearing came loose, and Madeline tossed
it aside and went to stand in front of the mirror. She turned this
way and that, assessing her new body. “Not bad,†she decided.
“With this body and my brains, I’ll go a long way. I can’t
believe you didn’t think of it, or maybe you did, but without the
smarts to carry it off, you just weren’t very good at it. What do
you think? Can I sleep my way to the top?â€
“Sleep? Top? Top
of what?â€
“A hospital
research program. A university psychology department. What’s the
difference? I’m not all that particular.†Madeline grabbed the
thong that had landed on the dresser when Dan and I ripped off our
clothes. She stepped into it and made a face. “I’ve got to go
out and get myself some real clothes.â€
“Real? Like . .
.†Why this hadn’t occurred to me before, I don’t know, but I
glanced down at my own fuddy-duddy outfit. My long black skirt had
an elastic waistband, and I plucked it away from my stomach and
took a peek.
White cotton
briefs!
If I wasn’t
already invisible, I would have died from embarrassment.
“You’ve got to be kidding. You don’t really expect me to wear
this?â€
“Personally, I
don’t care what you wear. I don’t care about you at all.â€
Madeline reached for my jeans and slipped them on. She put on my
bra and my sweater. The ripped sleeve didn’t seem to bother her.
The fit, though, did. She squirmed. “Your boobs are too big. They
make me feel top-heavy. Maybe I’ll get a
reduction.â€
“You wouldn’t
dare, you no-good, sneaky—â€
“Ah, is that a
little bit of jealousy I hear?†Dressed now, Madeline peered into
the mirror and ran her fingers through her curls. She tugged at a
ringlet and made a face. “This has got to go. Too high
maintenance. I’m thinking a nice, short cut. Wash and wear. It
will give me more time for—â€
“What?†I
crossed my arms over my chest, holding in my temper and my panic.
“You want to give yourself more time in the shower with
Dan?â€
“You think
that’s what this is about? You’re dumber than I thought.†She
looked toward the bathroom. “He’s a sweet guy. Really. And so
enthusiastic when it comes to . . . well, I guess you noticed,
right? It’s just that . . .â€
My temper dissolved
beneath a wave of nausea. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Force of habit; even though I knew Dan couldn’t hear me, I
lowered my voice. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting his
feelings. “Are you telling me—â€
“What, that I
don’t give a damn about Danny?†Finished preening, Madeline
spun and leaned against the dresser. Since I was standing directly
opposite her, I could see us both at the same time. Looking at the
physical me standing in front of the dresser and the essence of me
in the mirror was too weird for words.
Maybe Madeline
realized it. Maybe that’s why she smiled.
“How can you think
that I don’t care about sweet Danny?†Her smile inched up.
“He’s obviously good for a few things. But then, I guess you
noticed that, too.â€
The sourness in my
stomach shot up into my throat. “That’s not the way a wife
should talk about the man who’s carried a torch for her for three
long years. He loves you.â€
“He loves a
memory.â€
“Which has to be
based in fact.†A new thought struck, and if I wasn’t afraid
that my hand would whoosh right through
my head, I would have slapped my forehead. “Not much fact, right?
You put on a show for Dan. You pretended to be someone you
weren’t. Just so he would marry you. Now all he remembers is the
warm and fuzzy stuff, and he’s spent three years of his life
missing a woman who never really existed. He doesn’t know that
you’re really a bitch.â€
“You think so?â€
My purse was on the dresser. Completely unconcerned about my
criticism, Madeline opened the purse, plucked out a tube of
“Paris Nights,†swiveled it open, and made a face. “Isn’t
this color a little obvious?â€
“Isn’t that the
whole point of wearing lipstick? And beauty tips aren’t what we
were talking about. We were talking about Dan.â€
“And I said he was
a sweet guy.†Madeline tossed my practically new tube of lipstick
in a nearby trash can. She followed it up with my blusher, my
mascara, my eyeliner, and the Missoni Parfum Rollerball I’d paid
too much for and never regretted. “If you had more
self-confidence, you wouldn’t need all these things to shore up
your ego.â€
“I thought I was a
narcissist. That means I don’t need anything to shore up my ego.
I’ve got ego to spare.â€
“And you hide
behind cosmetics.†Madeline shook her head sadly. “That ends
today. From now on, the world sees the real me.â€
“The real me, you
mean.â€
She slid me a look.
“Not anymore. You’re not dead, Pepper. But you’re not alive,
either. That means you don’t belong in this world or the other
one. And that means you can’t stay. You’re going to fade and
then poof!†She snapped her fingers.
“Disappear completely. Then I’ll never have to worry about you
again.â€
The nausea
intensified. I hugged my arms around myself. I’d go crazy if I
thought about what she said, so I concentrated on the problem at
hand. “Did you ever love Dan?â€
“Love is a fickle
emotion. It can’t be quantified.â€
“Most people
don’t want to quantify it.â€
“Most people are
morons.â€
“Is
Dan?â€
She glanced toward
the bathroom just as Dan shut off the water, and when she answered
me, she made sure he couldn’t hear. “He was a brilliant
student. I knew he’d be successful someday. He’s Nobel Prize
material.â€
“So you hitched
your wagon to his star.â€
“It would have
worked. If I hadn’t died.â€
“The mugging. Is
that story bullshit, too? Maybe you just made it up so I’d feel
sorry for you.â€
She had already
opened her mouth to respond when Dan stepped out of the bathroom.
He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and I had a chance to
admire a body I hadn’t had nearly enough time to check out the
night before. Nice shoulders, abs that were too well developed to
belong to a brain researcher, a chest that wasn’t nearly as broad
as Quinn’s, but just as yummy. I winced when I saw the red welt
I’d caused when I bashed him with that stool back at the mental
hospital, but apparently Dan didn’t hold it against me. Or at
least he didn’t hold it against the me he thought was me. There
was a glimmer in his eyes and an expectant expression on his face.
Both dissolved when he saw that the woman he knew as Pepper was
already dressed. “You’re all set to go. I thought we
could—â€
“We have a long
day ahead of us.â€
He gave in with the
kind of accommodating smile I’d always wanted from him and never
got. “You’re right, of course. And we’ll have plenty of time
later for . . .†Hot under the sheets and as shy as a violet when
it was all over. I wasn’t surprised when Dan blushed. He reached
for his clothes, and damn, he turned his back on me when he dropped
the towel and put on his boxers. He slipped his jeans on, too, and
turned around again just as he was zipping them. “Before we
leave, I want to make sure I have my story straight. Let’s go
over the details. What do you know about the clinic, Pepper, and
how did you find it out?â€
All right, I admit
it... I gloated more than just a little when I saw the blank
expression on Madeline’s face and realized she couldn’t answer
any of his question. She might have my body, but the bitch didn’t
get my memories.
That’s why she
tried to buy some time when she said, “Well, as you know, I’m
not very bright . . .â€
“Oh, puh-leez!â€
Needless to say, this comment came from me.
Just as needless to
point out, Madeline ignored it. She went right on.
“But I was able to
put two and two together. About the ghosts, I mean. That’s why I
went to the clinic in the first place, to talk to Hilton about
ghosts.â€
Dan’s eyes
gleamed. “You really do communicate with the dead. You’ve seen
Maddy. You’ve talked to her!â€
Sensitive guy that
he is, Dan realized talking about his dead wife might not be the
politically correct thing to do when the sheets were still hot. He
scrambled for an apology that Madeline didn’t give him time to
deliver.
“It’s OK.†Her
voice more cloying than mine had ever been, she closed in on him.
“I understand, Danny, I really do. From everything I’ve heard
about her, I know Madeline was a truly remarkable woman.†How she
got this out without gagging, I don’t know, and just so she
didn’t think she was getting away with anything, I opened my
mouth, poked a finger toward my throat, and made a choking sound.
She shot me a look before she turned her attention back to
Dan.
“From everything
I’ve heard about her . . .†She took Dan’s hands in hers.
“I know she was kind and giving and caring. I understand how
impossible it must be for you to forget her. Just as I understand
that what we had here . . . well, sex is just sex, isn’t it? And
a man has needs. I’m a realist, I never thought it was any more
than that. Don’t worry, Danny, I’m not expecting more from you
in the way of commitment or caring.â€
“You’re not?â€
Dan looked at Madeline closely. “I never thought you
were—â€
“That
understanding? Oh please, darling!†She briefly skimmed a finger
along his cheek before she headed over to the mirror to check her
hair.
And watching her,
Dan whispered below his breath. “That shallow.â€
“See?†I
followed Madeline and pointed back toward where Dan stood watching
her, his eyes narrowed. “Did you hear that? He expected more from
me than wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. He knows I’m not that much
of a loser.â€
Madeline stopped in
her tracks. When she turned back to Dan, she had a smile firmly in
place. “I hope you don’t think I’m that much of a loser.†I
wondered how she’d learned so quickly to turn on the waterworks
at just the right time. A single tear slipped down her cheek, and
she sniffed. “I just want you to know that I understand how I
could never take Madeline’s place in your heart. I’ve come to
grips with that. I’m at peace with it. She was your soul mate. I
can never be half the woman she was.â€
Dan drew in a
breath. “You’re right, of course. I mean, about the soul mate
thing, not about how I feel about you.†He waited for her to
smile before he glanced at the bed and continued. “I never would
have . . . I mean, we never would have . . . I mean, what happened
last night, it never would have happened if I didn’t have
feelings for you.â€
“I knew it!†I
punched a fist in the air.
Madeline pretended
not to hear me. “That’s so sweet.†She kissed Dan’s cheek,
and in the kind of blatant attempt at flattery I had never needed
and never would have stooped to, she touched a hand to his sleeve
and batted her eyelashes before she grabbed the coat I’d worn
into the room the night before. “Now let’s get back to
Chicago.â€
For a second, Dan
stared at her. When she just twinkled back (it was not a pretty
picture), he waved a hand in front of her face. “It’s the
drugs, right? That’s got to be it. Have you forgotten what you
said last night? You wanted to call the cops. You wanted to march
back to that hospital yourself. Last night you
said—â€
“Of course!†Not
a chance Madeline had any idea what he was talking about; she
hadn’t been in the room when Dan and I discussed going to the
authorities the night before. Still, she recovered in a heartbeat
and covered even faster. “I would have said that! I’m such a
feisty thing. That’s why they call me Pepper, you know.†She
was going for a brilliant smile. Instead, it looked as if she’d
bitten into a lemon. Hell, I could have done better, and I was
incorporeal. “It’s this crazy, peppery personality of
mine.â€
I rolled my
eyes.
Madeline looked the
other way.
Dan just looked
confused.
He put on his shirt
and pulled a bulky Aran knit sweater over his head. “I told you I
wanted to talk to Hilton this morning,†he explained, giving her
the benefit of the doubt (which he shouldn’t have done since she
was a lying sack of crap, but of course, he didn’t know that). He
grabbed his own lightweight jacket and slipped it on. “And you
said you had a list of the names of the missing patients. It would
really help me to have that kind of ammunition when I talk to him.
You’ve got it with you?â€
Pardon me for
pointing out that I had another chance to gloat. Madeline was
shocked to hear about the list. Oh yeah, I could tell she was
plenty surprised, all right. But once a liar, always a liar, and
she went right on pulling the wool over Dan’s eyes. She patted
down her pockets. “Silly me, I left the list back at the hotel.
But let’s not worry about that. What we really need to do, Danny
honey, is get out of here. Fast.â€
As if it could help
him better see the logic of her argument, he slipped on his
glasses. “So last night you wanted to go after Hilton with both
barrels, and today you want to forget the whole thing? Those drugs
have really messed up your mind. I’m going to get over to the
hospital. And you—â€
“No way in hell
you’re leaving here without me.†I’d stepped forward and
voiced my opinion before I had a chance to think, and the next
second, I cursed myself. I should have let Madeline hang out to
dry. This way, she knew exactly what she should say. Never one to
let an opportunity pass, she threw back her shoulders and lifted
her chin.
“I’m going with
you to talk to Hilton,†she said.
“That’s my girl.
I knew you would.†Dan gave her a kiss. When he was done, he
looked at her hard. “Are you all right?†he asked.
Madeline being
Madeline, she couldn’t imagine that she wasn’t always all
right. She wrinkled her nose and tipped her head. “All right? Why
wouldn’t I be?â€
He stepped back.
“I dunno. It’s just that . . .†Uncomfortable, he laughed.
“It just feels different, kissing you now than it did kissing you
last night. It’s as if you’ve changed.â€
Madeline smiled. She
wrapped an arm through his. “Of course I’m not the same,†she
said. “Everything’s different today. Everything’s changed,
Danny.â€
It was enough to
satisfy him, and really, how could I blame him for giving in so
easily? Dan might be into the whole woo-woo scene, but something
told me even he couldn’t imagine the body-changing scenario that
had played out right in front of his eyes.
This time when he
laughed, it was without reservations. “You’re right.†He
wrapped an arm around Madeline’s shoulders. “Everything has
changed. It’s like the world has opened up for me again. And you
know what’s weird, Pepper, it’s like Madeline had something to
do with it all.†Dan went around the room, turning out lights and
tossing our McDonald’s bags. “Wherever Madeline is,†he said,
“I finally know she’s at peace. See, you may not realize it,
but you used his first name. Hilton Gerard’s. You didn’t call
him Doctor Gerard, you called him Hilton, just like Madeline always
did. And you called me Danny. Even my mom never did that. Madeline
was the one and only person who ever called me
Danny.â€
Oblivious to the
truth staring him in the face, Dan unlocked the door and stepped
into the frigid morning sunshine. “Before we get over to the
hospital, we should probably stop somewhere so you can replace that
ripped sweater of yours.â€
Madeline followed
Dan outside. “That will be fine.â€
He headed over to
the car. “I’m afraid the only close store is a Wal-Mart,†he
said, an apology in his voice.
Madeline nodded.
“Like I said, that’s fine.â€
“Fine?â€
Laughing, Dan stopped just as he was about to open the car door.
“Boy, you weren’t kidding when you said you changed last night.
No way the Pepper Martin I know would agree to go clothes shopping
at Wal-Mart.â€
He was still
laughing when he held the door open for Madeline and she got into
the car.
Me? I wasn’t
laughing at all. Firmly ignoring the pissed look on Madeline’s
face, I climbed into the backseat.
Wal-Mart or no
Wal-Mart, I’d be damned if they were going anywhere without
me.